#MeToo Victims Are Not Just Women
#MeToo Victims Are Not Just Women
Depp v. Heard Verdict Marks a HUGE Cultural Shift
By now, most of us are probably familiar with the explosive testimonies of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard in one of the ugliest defamation scandals in the celebrity realm.
Regardless of Ms. Heard’s efforts to construct an image of her story and her team’s efforts to paint women as victims and men as perpetrators, this case is not about gender or stereotypes – it’s about people.
When Dr. Dawn Hughes (Ms. Heard’s expert witness) took the stand, she described her work in a field closely related with domestic violence. Yet, every case she described involved a male perpetrator. In fact, she could not describe or admit to experience with a single instance where a woman was a domestic abuser.
While it is true that women are statistically more likely to be victims of domestic violence, male victims have been all but forgotten.
“Believe all claims” might be an appropriate stance for therapy, for recovery, for treatment of someone seeking help. It is absolutely not an appropriate stance for defaming or punishing an alleged abuser. It’s the difference between rehabilitative and punitive.
The idea that women are not capable of abuse, physical, emotional, or otherwise, is absurd. And, honestly, kind of sexist. We are human, are we not? We have emotions, thoughts, jealousies, and rages just as men do.
So why is it that we hardly ever hear about male victims? Is it because they are truly less likely to be abused by women? Or is it because of our culture?
“In addition, an information sheet from the NCADV acknowledged that, anecdotally, the organization knew of women being the primary aggressor toward men but did not have data ‘that quantified how often women were identified as the primary abuser in the relationship.’” – Source
Particularly with the rise of the #MeToo movement, we have fixed our eyes solely on women as victims, ignoring and even blaming men for all abuse. This has turned a once real, true, and noble idea of feminism and equality into a man-hating crowd of “activists” that have a false sense of superiority and, simultaneously, victimhood.
Further, we have blamed men for “toxic masculinity,” for being harsh, for being tough.
The same culture that has raised a boy to “be a man,” to “be tough,” to not cry “like a girl,” has turned on that same boy – on all boys – who have grown into men that hide their emotions, that feel as if they can’t speak up against abuse without being emasculated. Because how could they let themselves be abused by a woman? And just like that, the tables have turned, and we’re back to victim blaming.
And now, men can’t do anything right. If they ignore us, they get accused of being rude or not respecting us as women; if they’re nice to us, they’re too nice and they get accused of sexual harassment. All it takes is one word from a woman. Just one, and no evidence. And as humans, we know an opportunity when we see one.
This essay isn’t about painting men or women in a bad light. It’s about the fact that we’re all human, we all have bad intentions as well as good ones whether we like it or not. So if we continue with the “believe all women” nonsense, how long before “innocent until proven guilty” is burned altogether? How long before young girls grow up believing that they’re one accusation away from being on top of the world, front and center, a beacon for other “victims,” a figure representing “abuse”?
Believing all women by one word but not men is not feminism, it’s not equality. It’s misandry and it’s injustice.
The Depp v. Heard trial is much more than a celebrity case that people are tired of hearing about. Yes, it had intense moments, funny moments, moments that many might consider entertaining. But more importantly, this case was about a cultural shift. The jury slapped this distorted feminism that has all but taken over our entire culture in the face, and I for one am thrilled. They reminded the world that this case shouldn’t be about a man or a woman, about sex or stereotypes. It should be about two people with completely opposing stories, their witnesses, and who has real proof of what did or did not happen.
Most of us have, or at some point will, know someone like Amber Heard. This isn’t a situation where we should believe all women except Ms. Heard, either. This is a situation where we should be acknowledging that there are people like Ms. Heard out there, who have noted our culture’s weaknesses and are looking to exploit them. The solution? Strengthen our culture. Make it about justice again, not about gender. Make it about proof and character, not one person’s word.
Ms. Heard has embarrassed the name of feminism and insulted every woman who has genuinely been physically abused by a partner. She has effectively instilled doubt in every claim of abuse following her own. Ms. Heard’s team tried to make this case about leaning into stereotypes and accepting them.
But every cloud has a silver lining. One male survivor of domestic abuse admitted that seeing the case “lifted a weight off” his shoulders (NBC). And there are surely other male victims who are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, as our culture rustles awake to see that men can be victims as well as perpetrators, that women can be perpetrators as well as victims. And that perhaps, in our flawed human desires, we’re not so very different from each other after all.
One of our country’s most important freedoms is that of free speech.
Agree with this essay? Disagree? Join the debate by writing to DailyClout HERE.
Hàving lived with a Han-Chinese family over a decade, I have witnessed the woman of the home beating her husband. In the apartment next door, a lesbian used to beat the crap out of her partner and I could hear her getting thrown against walls. There was a little girl aged around 8 years old in there too, and felt very sorry for her. That lesbian now has a new partner she married. The physical fighting seems to have stopped, plus her new partner is bigger than her.
Life is complicated. Peace.
https://slate.com/human-interest/2014/04/male-rape-in-america-a-new-study-reveals-that-men-are-sexually-assaulted-almost-as-often-as-women.html
My personal experience affirms your article. I had a 33-year marriage to an amazing woman. Unfortunately, she died suddenly. I married again just two years later to an abusive narcissistic woman. The following describes my experience:
Abuse…It’s Not Just for Women!
There were so many warning signs I ignored — from friends, family, myself! I took the marriage plunge anyway. I thought pouring myself into the relationship, and losing myself in the process, would remedy everything. “We’ll get through this. One day we’ll look back and laugh at these struggles and challenges. After all, we had God on our side. And love covers a multitude of sins — right?!” I couldn’t have been more wrong.
For three years (thank God it wasn’t longer) I held on and tried to do all the right stuff to make it all work. I hunkered down in a room with a tornado. I could see the door, but refused to go through it. What I was doing was supposed to work! “I’m Phil…I can get along with anyone. I can fix this, make it better. Just give it more time…more love…more understanding…more patience,” I said.
For a man (at least for me) the worst part about being abused is not the actual verbal or physical attacks. It was my own emotions — “I’m not good enough to make this relationship better. I can’t fix it. I’m failing!” As a result, my confidence spiraled. This relatively positive man, who believed he could, with God’s help, accomplish anything —difficult tasks; overwhelming challenges — was reduced to almost nothing.
And it was only getting worse. The abuse — both verbal and physical — came more often and more intense. And, for a minute, I refused to acknowledge it — until the day that I did. “That’s enough.” I said. “This game of ‘taking it for the team’ is over.”
And if you know me, you know how difficult that decision was.
It’s been over a year now, and I still have those thoughts and feelings of, “What could I have done differently that would have made my marriage work.” Guilt and shame cover me. I failed. I couldn’t make it better. I wasn’t good enough to fix it.
But then I realize that it never was about me. It was never about my love, my ability to connect, my commitment, my faith. It was simply a matter of another person refusing to do their part, live above their past, and invest in the present. Did I do everything right? Not in the least. I made plenty of mistakes. I often failed to react and respond appropriately — contributing to an ever increasing pile of unresolved and deeply rooted pains.
After all, fighting fire with fire is never the solution in a relationship — especially for a man. And so I learned. I learned to respond calmly, drop my defenses, and back away. But, unfortunately, that only made things worse. My calm demeanor was interpreted as a failure to emotionally engage and connect. This only increased her verbal and physical attacks. It’s as if she needed the intense emotional response.
Good relationships make you a better person. They work through the challenges and help sand off the rough edges. More importantly, they emphasize our qualities and virtues. They help make us into the person God intends for us to be. None of that was happening — on either side of the relationship. The bottom line — I was losing myself and the person I was supposed to be. And there was only one solution…
Walk away. Take that doorway out.
And when I did, surprisingly, the abuse stopped. When I did, that storm — that room with the tornado — suddenly ended.
Peace came back. Rest came back. Healing began. And I have resumed the journey to become the man God created me to be.
……………………….
Yes…my X definitely confused fighting “with” as fighting “for” her. She would escalate her verbal abuse if I did not engage in her arguments and her 2-hour rants. If I turned away, she would then get physical — chasing me down, punching me, throwing and destroying stuff.
As men, we literally have no recourse against narcissistic women. The solution is simply to get out — run away as fast as we can! Retaliation or defending ourselves will only make things worse. It might even land us in jail.
My only option at that point was to call 911 and to get the situation completely out of my control. And that’s when the lies and the campaign to destroy my reputation and character would begin — in her mind, it was never her fault. I was the violent one.
After multiple episodes over the course of three years. After multiple black eyes, bruises, bite marks, a broken eye socket, and destroyed property (not to mention the emotional damage), I finally said enough. Our divorce was final in 2020 and after over a year of going no contact, peace has finally been restored in my home.
https://youtu.be/GCacEz0IkKE
I listened to the video. It scared me when I first turned it on. I think the person being hit or verbally abused will think things can get better “if I…..”. Then one day you wake up and realize there is simply nothing you can do, because like you said, it is not about you, but the perpetrator’s mental instability and/or illness.
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I think that the way the tik tok and youtube were soooooo mean to Amber Heard, a person they have never met, the way they mocked her endlessly — that this is somewhat related to how people are so mean to the unvaxed, as Naomi discussed in her brilliant new book boidies of others.